Change

It's funny when I think about it, I've been married to my husband for four years this May and I have come to realize just how much I have changed over the years. One of the first things that my father told before I got married was not to change who I was. Leave it to me to still have trouble with this concept. How does one not change when everything around is doing so constantly. Maybe it's just a matter of adjusting to your new life without changing what make you, you. Well, until someone does a better job of explaining, I have changed.

Before I meet my husband, my mother thought that she would never have grandchildren. I was very serious about not having any (smiling). Now that I have my two wonderful little boys, I would not know what to do with them. My life, sadly, revolves around them (I say sadly, because sometimes I feel like I need to do better with having a social life). Anyways, when I became pregnant with my first son the first thing my husband say, "Having children will change things." Of course he's experienced and just know these things. Well come to find out, he was right, HE CHANGED!!! And then I changed.

His Happiness

Short and sweet, my husband is most happy when he can provide and take care of his family!!!  If for some reason he is not able to take of things the way that he feel he should then we are talking Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  Two different people!!!  And how do I make him happy?  By taking care of our boys and our home!!!  Gotta love a mans emotions!!!

Things Will Get Tough

That about sums it up!!!  Things Will Get Tough!!  How will you define yourself, your marriage in it's toughest hour?  Are you a fighter for what you believe in?  Is your marriage worth the work?  I hope so, because it's guaranteed that things will get tough and will be a hell of a lot of work!!!

SN:  But the fight and work is not for one spouse alone!!

Divorce: Parenting Plan

I'm not much of a Tiger Woods fan, but I ran across an article in US Magazine.com about his divorce being finalized and so forth.  So it's not that I follow Tiger Woods or care much about his divorce to his wife, but I do have a soft spot for the children that are going through this as much as their parents.  My husband has three beautiful children from a prior marriage and I know that 'doing what's best for the children' is most important and so difficult when parents are going their separate ways.

Having older children that see what's going on is really sad.  It's hard to come up with the words to say what they had all of their life will not be there anymore.   One mistake is assuming that they don't understand and it is not necessary to talk to them at all.  This is so wrong.  Children can feel lost, confused, they may feel like things are bad because of something they did.  These are not things you want your child to feel.  As hard as divorce is on parents it is equally difficult for children, if not more.  What you do and how you handle your divorce, seeking what is best for the children, will potentially save them a life time of misery and bad relationships.

Well the article brought something to my attention that I was not aware of.  Divorce courts makes it mandatory to have a parenting plan, that seems like a valuable effort to protect the children.  Some of the categories that the parents add in the plan are as followed:

Pick the items you want to be included in your plan from our comprehensive list of plan options, including:

Primary and/or Joint Custody & Residence Holiday Schedule(s) Health and Medical Care Emergency Treatment & Care Pick up and Return Arrangements Right Of First Refusal Move-Away Restrictions Telephone, Mail, and Email Contact Transportation Arrangements Transfer of Clothing, Toys & Accessories Expenses - normal and extraordinary Travel Arrangements and Conditions Tax Deductions and HOH Designation Current Address Notification Daycare Arrangements and Information

Additional Home Resident(s) Clause Employer Contact Agreement/Restrictions Educational Arrangement & Schooling Religious Education Visitation/Parenting Time Denial Grandparents and Extended Family Child Discipline & Guidance Conflict Clauses Post-Secondary Support & Planning Decision Making Rights & Responsibilities Medication & Controlled Substances Release of Records & Information Vacation Agreement / Restrictions Child Counseling and/or Therapy . . . and much, much more!

(I so forget where I got this chart, I will keep looking for it)

What You Need to Register Your Child for School

Things You Need:

• Wellness health check up - be sure to get the form from the school before the visit, else you will have to go back!!
• School Shot - About four shot will be given
• Immunizations - Be sure to update you child immunization records up to date, the school will ask for them
• CERTIFIED BIRTH CERTIFICATE - May cost about $10
• Proof of Residence - Water, Electric, Mortgage, or Lease Agreement
• Picture ID - State Identification is required
• Patience 
• Be Prepared - Make sure you have everything before you leave the house. 

Ready for School~Part 3

Today the boys drove up and down the highway today looking for his school so that we could finish registration. I called the school five times before someone actually answered that  phone to tell me how to get to the darn school.  I'm just a tad bit aggravated.  So we finally got it and we get there in the nick of time, because it started getting crowded really fast.   The funny things is, in regard to all the driving, the school is less than 5mins away from our home.

We get in, the secretary give me the information that I need to fill out, and we head to the back lounge to do paperwork.  Lucky me!  I knew I was going to have to do it and the good thing is I have some wonderful children when they've been threatened (just kidding).  But, I do have two wonderful boys.  So I'm fill out the 12 forms they give me asking all kinds of questions.  One question asked if we live in a non-home environment such as the park, car, or elsewhere?"  At that moment I really had to thank God, because I wouldn't want to imagine.

Then, guess what I realize as I was drawing near the end of the forms?  Immunization records.  I just exhaled, gave the woman the paper work, shot home, came back, and I thought I was going to have to wait for all those people to be seen, but she called right to the front.  She made copies and copied my ID, and that was the end of the school registration.  YAY finished, now we have a student-teacher home visit tomorrow and I am so excited!!!!

Ready for School Drama~Part 2

Well to day was a long day!!  Apart from being a zombie because I had to get up at 6am this morning, we had to drive 1 1/2 hours to Greensboro, NC to get my sons birth certificate.  Mentally long ride!!!!!  My husband drove and he was tired, because he had just gotten off of work.  I offered to drive, twice.  I think he's afraid of my driving.  We got there and they had changed pretty much everything around.  The court rooms were on the plaza level and I just don't remember the register of deeds being in the location that it was in.  Any who, it took about five minutes to get his certificate after waiting 10 minutes in metal detector line, not to mention having to put things back on!!!  

We got the certificate and I am just relieved.  So in the morning I have to go to his school and to finish registering him for pre-kindergarten.  I am too excited.  As for my son, if you could see him when he talks about school, it just make me want to cry.  He is so ready to meet his teacher and make new friends.  He's ready to learn and read (well he's already doing some of that), but he is so stoked.  I ask him everyday what is his teacher's name.  He smiles.  Then he looks at me and scream, Mrs. Ninich, mommy!!  I'm just soaking it all in!!!   

Well tomorrow is registrations and I will let you know how it goes!!! 

Some Father and Son Time

I know every mother loves some of that "me time," especially when Mr. Dad takes that kids out and you know that they are safe and getting in some much needed quality time.

Well today the boys had some quality time with their dad and they were so excited about it, so was I!!!  My husband took the boys with him to the barber and they went grocery shopping!!!  YaY daddy!!!  I'm sure they would have stayed out longer had I not need the groceries to cook dinner. Nevertheless, I was thrilled.  As soon as they got home all the talked about was what they did with their dad.  Children are so easy to please!!  So even though it was for a short period of time, a couple of hours, everybody seem to enjoy the father and son time.

And I got me some "me time." It didn't matter that I was STILL working on a research paper or that I was tired out of my mind, but the bit of relief that I felt when they walked out the door with their dad was a breath of fresh air.  It was definitely like a "Ricola" moment LOL

And it wasn't that my boys was bothering me today, but I feel so horrible when they want to play and I'm stuck on the computer trying to get an assignment done.  So if only for a moment my husband, God bless him, he gave me some relief and that I appreciate whole heartedly!!!  Two thumbs up, he really made everyone happy today!!!

SN: Why can't men say NO to kids?  How come every time the boys go somewhere with their dad they come back with a toy, except today the came back with vanilla wafers!!! LOL

Let's Talk About Your Shots or Not

I told you yesterday that my son had to get school shots today.  We saw the nurse and I told her that I would like a minute to talk to my son and she did.  I reminded him that he was here to get to things done so that he could go to school.  I told him that he was going to have to get some shots.  Of course he was OK with this until he got the shots, but he did great.  So again everything went great, but he was not happy for a very short period of time.   We talked about it in the car, briefly and I tried again we got to the park.  So this is me trying to talk to him at the park about his shots (laughing). He did not want to talk about it. 

This Is My First Video Ever!!!

Ready for School Drama~Part 1

Alright so I've been working diligently trying to get my son ready for school.  What I need to be doing is getting myself ready for him to go to school.  I am so out of tune with this whole process.  I seriously think I might lose it, but we will keep that between us, I try not to freak out my husband with small things (laughing). But for now it is all about getting my son ready for school and this is my mission above all other things.

Early this year both my boys had their wellness check up and the Dr. asked if I had wanted him to get his shots for school.  Well, I wasn't really prepared for the question, not to mention I had not prepared my son for shots, normally I would give them Children's Motrin or Tylenol (except not Tylenol much any more since the recall).  So we did not get his shots, we figured we will wait to see if he had actually got into the pre-kindergarten program to begin with.  He did, and now I have to take him tomorrow to get shots and school is just around the corner.

This is really just the beginning of the situation.  When I was applying for the pre-kindergarten program I asked 101 questions so that I would know what to expect.  Do you think they mentioned that I had to still go to the school and register him for the school?  NO!  How about that I needed a certified birth certificate?  NOPE, not at all!  So last week I just thought, "Let me call the school so that I could make sure that I have everything that I need."  I called and asked the woman was there anything else that I needed to know or do before he started school.  She nicely ran down this list of things; health check, immunizations, certified birth certificate....  STOP!  Certified what?  "Yes ma'am," she says.  I nicely tell her that I asked months ago if I needed to send for my sons birth certificate and the women that I spoke told me "Oh the mother's copy should be sufficient."  I know you are probably thinking, "Well, why don't you have a certified copy of his birth certificate?"  Well, it has been on my list of things to do over the past five years, I just have not gotten to it.  I believe it is one of those "out of sight, out of mind" things.  Any case, had I known I needed it, I would have sent for it months ago.  But I did not know, so I did not send for it, because i had not needed it.

So now that school starts in a couple of weeks I have to drive to Greensboro to the Register of Deeds to pay $10 for a birth certificate, when I could have mailed them a check and had the thing mailed to my address.  I hate feeling rushed with somethings.  I do not like the feeling that somethings may not fall into place.  On top of that, and I know it is just pre-kindergarten, I have no supply list.  Does not matter, I will just get what I think he will need; blanket, change of clothes (yes he's been potty trained for three years, but you never know what could happen; spilled drink, fall in mud, etc.), markers, crayons, etc.

Well this is my DRAMA for today, I'll keep you posted on the rest!!!!

Ugh!!! An Unforgivable Day!!!

How I Really Looked

My plan today was such a simple one.  But did things go the way that I planned them, NO, because it really could not be that simple.  I mentioned to my husband on Thursday that I wanted the boys and I to clean out the van (no hidden message) this weekend.  On Friday he washed the outside of the van, I guess he was inspired by my ambition, whatever the reason I was happy. 

Last night I set the alarm on my BB to get me up at 7am so that we could be finish with the car before it got really hot outside.  Would you believe my phone died in the middle of the night and the boys and I did not wake up until a quarter to 10am.  I was pissed.  Getting the boys ready to go outside after breakfast was simple they were just throwing on old clothes, but for me even though I was going out to break a sweat, I still had to look nice (smiling). 

So we are leaving out around 11am, thankfully the clouds were still out and there was a breeze, so things seem pretty good.  We got started and things were steadily moving right along, the boys washed windows and I cleaned everything else.   No child labor laws were broken, I promise.  Besides it was their greasy and sticky handprints, saliva, and smeared ketchup all over the windows and doors. 

As we get to the outside windows, I get everyone out of the car and close all the doors.  Would love to guess what happened next?  All of the doors LOCKED!!!!  My purse, my keys (both sets), and phone all locked inside the van.  Needless to say I did not have a very thrilled husband when I had to wake him up after working last night to come and TRY and unlock the van that of course has automatic doors.   And who does not have AAA, ME!!! 

So he starts in on his ranting, “Kisha, why didn’t you have the key in your pocket, I told you always keep one key in your pocket.”  As much sense as that makes, NO YOU DIDN’T!!!  And how was I supposed to know that all the doors will lock after closing them!! 

Well come to find out, one of the boys had pushed the lock button on the door sometime while they were playing in the front seats.  Do not let your children have free range of any vehicle, even if they are in your way and it seems like the simple solution, because you cannot leave them on the outside of the car while you are on the inside. 

Anyways, after about an hour, because of my smart thinking, help from the neighbor, and my husband’s persistence we got the door unlock.  YaY, not!!!  I still had to finish the car, and it is now after 12pm and it is hot as you know what, and I have the children because Mr. Husband is trying to get some sleep.  So I get to the car wash to vacuum out the car and I run out of quarters.  Everything I took out the car has to go back in the car to go get quarters, because of course you cannot lock your children in the car, while it’s running, to go get change which is just on the other side of a brick wall.  So I have to drive around the carwash, to get change, to finish vacuuming out the van. 

After that, without any hesitation, I drive to Wal-Mart to get two spare keys made.  I refuse for this to happen again.  So needless to say, in the midst of the heat, humidity, disturbed husband (who insist he wasn’t upset and should not have been, because it wasn’t my fault), restless children, and tired me today was AN UNFORGIVABLE DAY!!!!

Affection According to Him

I will admit that this is definitely a rather sore subject, not to mention one that I am not that understanding of.  I have been married to my husband for a little over four years and those who says, "Once you make it past the first two years everything will be just fine," they were all very wrong according to me.  What I have found out over the past four years is, as long as you are together with someone things change and people grow, therefore you will continuously have to work on your marriage.  

One of those things that you have to continuously work on is affection.   Maybe you are one of those women who do not need affection or maybe you have a very affectionate man, for the rest of us that seem to lack in this area without a little coercing, sometimes it is good to know you are not alone! 

Bahamas 2010

Honestly, I can sit with my husband and hold is arm, lie on his shoulder, rub his ear, rub his head and he can sit there feeling like 'the man,' soaking it all up and not respond to any of it!!  I can greet him when he come home, give him a big kiss on the cheek, and nice big hug and he’s looking at me like “are you OK.”  Or let’s see, when I sit down and want to converse, I get this long sigh as if I’m interrupting his precious TV, it’s not like it’s a game. 

My husband is a wonderful man that feels as long as he’s providing for everyone in the house, then he’s doing or has done all there needs to be done.   Now don’t get me wrong I strongly appreciate my husband for being a wonderful provider, but really, does it stop there.  I think not, but he asked me one year, “Kisha, why do you feel like you have to kiss me every time you see me?”  I said, “Because I love you, I’m just showing you some affection!”  He responds, “Well, I know you love me and you don’t have to kiss me all the time for me to know that.”  O.K. 

So one day recently, I’m all talking about affection and lack thereof and he completely burst my bubble.  And I will paraphrase what he said, because I can’t quote him and besides you know how we women interpret things.  So he says, “You talk about affections of lack of it, because I’m not doing what you want me to do when you want me to do it.  So anything I do for you, you see it as small and it doesn’t show up on your radar of what showing affection is.  Well I’m not going to be all over you.  When you want to talk, sometimes it’s good to sit and listen, so because I’m not cutting you off mid-sentence every two minutes doesn’t mean we are not having a conversation.  Sometimes, and I know I don’t do it all the time, but sometimes I know you are tired from school and the kids so I’ll give them a bath and put them to bed or  I’ll pick up some and let you relax.  But because it’s not what all you would have me do or when you would have me do it, I don’t show affection.”  

Well, what could I say, “True,” and really he is right.  I may have this Cosby Show image of affection, but that affection is not unobtainable.  Like all things you have to work on it.  My husband’s view of affection is definitely not my views, but it’s not to say that it is not affection.  With that said I shouldn’t belittle his efforts, because they are not the way I would have him show affection or when I would have him show affection.  Besides, we have another 10 years to get to Cosby Show status!!! LOL

Day 6 ~ Kicking It With The Boys

Today was a simply day, like most Friday, but it was business as usual.  We started the day full of energy, running, jumping, and break dancing (That would be my older son).  If you were to ever see him dance you may be able to determine that he's seen to many break dancing videos on youtube or American Best Dance Crew.  Yes, I may have to share that video with you one day.

As I was saying, today was Friday as usual.  After the dancing, would you believe that they sat down for some lessons on the computer? They worked on their counting, alphabets, phonics, and some lite reading. PBS kids was given some of our time as well.  They played games with Blues Clues, Clifford, and Caillou.  If it sound like they spent the day on the computer then you are absolutely Wrong, just half the day (smiling), the other half was spent eating.  Sorry I don't have much more for you, today was really just all about relaxing.

The Bedtime Hassle

I love Supper Nanny as much as the next mother, but the peace at bedtime lasted as long as timeout did for unacceptable behavior. Every night, although there may be a tweak to the lyrics, for the most part we sing the same song. And I don't know about you, but getting up every time my child gets out of bed and physically putting them back to bed is both physically and emotionlly draining. I am to blame and I have no shame in admitting it. Sometimes you do what works for one night and find out that it does not work for other nights.

After dinner my boys wash their hands and face, then go to their room for some free time. About an hour later it's time for a bath or shower, night clothes, using the restroom, some needed grooming, and brushing their teeth. So now we are in the transitioning phase of bedtime and the hassle begins. I give my boys some love, with hugs and kisses, and sometimes we read a book and sometimes we don't (reading make my boys excited so reading is mostly a daytime routine). Then they repeat after me as we say our non-scripted prayers. No sooner than I leave the room, "Mommy, I have to use the bathroom," "Mommy, can I have some water," or "Mommy, I think I hurt my hand." Alright, you may use the restroom, NO water, and let me kiss the boo boo (sometimes it's just OK, you'll be alright).

Ten minutes later, "Mommy, it's to dark in my room," "Mommy, I need a hug," and my all time favorite "Mommy, your kiss came off, I need another one." How do you say NO to that? Honestly, I can't. So I comfort and I give kiss, which leads to more kisses, which leads to playing, which leads to frustration brewing on the inside, which leads to "boy, if you call my name one more time!" Then I get, "but I didn't call your name, I said Mommy." Ok, so at this point I'm not even responding to them any longer. I am officially in my Woosa (in my Martin Lawrence voice) mode.

How have I dwelt with this behavior? Well, my children's behavior at nighttime revolved around them wanting my affection and my attention before they went to sleep. I can understand that, we have busy days and sometimes my days revolve around getting school work done. So now, after our prayers I spend about fifteen to twenty minutes in their room talking about our day. I lay beside them and rub their nose, one at a time, while we talk about their favorite parts of the day or what would they like to do tomorrow. My oldest son asks me 101 questions, but I answer them all and now that he's getting ready for school, we talk a lot about teachers and new friends. So this new routine is working for all of us. I really believe that they enjoy it, especially having the opportunity to map out the menu for breakfast in the morning.

Day 5 ~ Love

Love is the calm of the sea after a hurricane.

It's the red line in the horizon after stormy rains.

It's the bloom of the trees after Winters gone.

Love is the shade of a tree when summers are long.

Love is a mother's kiss after a scary fall.

It's the "I was thinking about you" phone call.

Love is forgiving to all things wrong.

It's the deepest line in a love song.

Love is all things created to the smallest of the small.

Love is perseverance and Love conquers all.