I will admit that this is definitely a rather sore subject, not to mention one that I am not that understanding of. I have been married to my husband for a little over four years and those who says, "Once you make it past the first two years everything will be just fine," they were all very wrong according to me. What I have found out over the past four years is, as long as you are together with someone things change and people grow, therefore you will continuously have to work on your marriage.
One of those things that you have to continuously work on is affection. Maybe you are one of those women who do not need affection or maybe you have a very affectionate man, for the rest of us that seem to lack in this area without a little coercing, sometimes it is good to know you are not alone!
Honestly, I can sit with my husband and hold is arm, lie on his shoulder, rub his ear, rub his head and he can sit there feeling like 'the man,' soaking it all up and not respond to any of it!! I can greet him when he come home, give him a big kiss on the cheek, and nice big hug and he’s looking at me like “are you OK.” Or let’s see, when I sit down and want to converse, I get this long sigh as if I’m interrupting his precious TV, it’s not like it’s a game.
My husband is a wonderful man that feels as long as he’s providing for everyone in the house, then he’s doing or has done all there needs to be done. Now don’t get me wrong I strongly appreciate my husband for being a wonderful provider, but really, does it stop there. I think not, but he asked me one year, “Kisha, why do you feel like you have to kiss me every time you see me?” I said, “Because I love you, I’m just showing you some affection!” He responds, “Well, I know you love me and you don’t have to kiss me all the time for me to know that.” O.K.
So one day recently, I’m all talking about affection and lack thereof and he completely burst my bubble. And I will paraphrase what he said, because I can’t quote him and besides you know how we women interpret things. So he says, “You talk about affections of lack of it, because I’m not doing what you want me to do when you want me to do it. So anything I do for you, you see it as small and it doesn’t show up on your radar of what showing affection is. Well I’m not going to be all over you. When you want to talk, sometimes it’s good to sit and listen, so because I’m not cutting you off mid-sentence every two minutes doesn’t mean we are not having a conversation. Sometimes, and I know I don’t do it all the time, but sometimes I know you are tired from school and the kids so I’ll give them a bath and put them to bed or I’ll pick up some and let you relax. But because it’s not what all you would have me do or when you would have me do it, I don’t show affection.”
Well, what could I say, “True,” and really he is right. I may have this Cosby Show image of affection, but that affection is not unobtainable. Like all things you have to work on it. My husband’s view of affection is definitely not my views, but it’s not to say that it is not affection. With that said I shouldn’t belittle his efforts, because they are not the way I would have him show affection or when I would have him show affection. Besides, we have another 10 years to get to Cosby Show status!!! LOL